I know it's been a while since my last post. Boy have things changed since then. The drama reality of it is that this divorce is not going to end easily. I followed what I agreed to and went back to mediation however my ex did not make time for the meeting. I showed the mediator a handful (there are hundreds) of threatening, belittling, harassing and controlling text messages my ex had sent me through out the year since we had started following the agreement. I did what she asked and made notes of everything in the parenting agreement that was not working which resulted in me presenting 5 pages worth of issues. I showed her the pictures of my children's 2nd degree sunburn I one day picked them up with. At this point it was clear no amount of mediation was going to fix any of the issues regarding parenting or financials and I was going to have to take the next step. I left her office that night with her list of recommendations weighing heavily on my heart. These are my children and there is no love like a mother has for her children but I know I'm in for a fight. At that point my work became cut out for me. I haven't been able to update this blog because the process I am now going through has become extremely time consuming and exhausting when you add working full time and being a mom. I also have to be careful with what I say until things become more concrete but for now I'm stuck sitting on needles waiting for the process to begin.
Unfortunately with this decision taking these steps came another sacrifice... this now means my divorce is going to take longer which means the talks of getting engaged and married have stopped. Knowing it is now pushed back so much further is heart breaking. My significant other is my rock and strong for me when I can't be, he is my patience when I am at my end. I want nothing more then to make him happy but my one decision puts all that on hold. This past weekend he wanted to go to Newport and show my daughter the tower we had been dreaming about getting married at during it's historic moment that happens once a year, but the thought of that is just too hard. Don't get me wrong, doing what's right is worth the sacrifice but at the same time I can't help but feeling like my ex can control yet another part of my life. He already ruined Christmas, my birthday, Mothers Day, my son's birthday party and my significant others and my two year anniversary. Now he gets his hands on this and that hurts. Thinking about this one day wedding was my light at the end of the tunnel and what I looked at stuff for to get through the hard times, now I can't do any of that as it hurts too much. I used to sit and watch wedding shows with my daughter as she would plan our wedding but now I have to change the channel. It's hard enough to stomach my ex controlling my future, but the fact that he is controlling my significant others happiness makes me sick to my stomach.
I know this is a lot to take in on one post and unfortunately there is a whole lot more, however it is extremely draining and this is all I can write today. All I can do is be so incredibly thankful for my significant other staying my by side in thick and thin, the unconditional love of my kids and the never ending support of my family, my significant others family, my friends and my work family.
From this point on this blog will change to getting through this divorce process (and every day life stuff), but hopefully one day we can get back to why I started it.
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